Eight days have passed since I’ve arrived in Indo and I’ve surfed, smashed my knuckles and drove a scooter in the pouring rain and it’s not enough, I need to keep going. I’ve always felt at my best when I’m on the move, resting my head in a difference place from where the sun first greeted my day. I remember the 3 years after college how I couldn’t stay longer than 6 months in anyone place, always starting over; it’s in my blood. However after meeting a few fellow travelers along this journey, listening to their perspectives and seeing their style of travel I thought I might be missing something. So I planned for Bali to be the place I’d sit back and spend some time getting to know the environment. Well that is amazingly easy and difficult to do in Bali since everyone wants to sell you something or tell you something; there’s always another person approaching you, informing you; resulting in the feeling that you know what’s going down while feeling clueless. Overall the people are happy and of a friendly demeanor but it is just too much; too much traffic, too much nagging, too much people. That’s why I’m off again to Lombok, it’s only a 30min plane ride from Bali but everything I’ve read, everyone I’ve talked to and all the pictures speak of the tranquil peace of an island oasis…
It’s a strange feeling to be tired, physically exhausted and in many ways wanting to go home, while at the same time restless and eager to roam without any concrete purpose. Ok there is a purpose and it’s to roam; I mean the other day on my way out to Uluwatu I loved the ride, I don’t think it was even about surfing or waves, it was about watching the world wiz about me. I think that is my meditation! I have been fighting to sit still, to focus on my breathing as I concentrate my attention on the spiritual vision of the 3rd eye; I’ve tied sitting on the beach, on a rock, in my hotel room and it’s all been a half hearted attempt to do what I think I should, when I feel I must keep going. I had a thriving meditative practice before I started Freeform and I felt lost without the deep breaths of those calm moments; it soothed me. I feel no requirement for soothing now although I have had strings of days, along with definitive moments of clear deep meditation while on this journey yet I’ve always been in motion. It’s always in the reflection that I realize those meditative periods for if I did in the moment I would be thinking and true meditation is without thought.
Surfing for example is a definite means of letting go of the mind, almost every session has one wave where everything comes together and the Surf-gods smile on me, no matter the conditions. I use to spend the rest of the session trying to duplicate it with little success because I didn’t and don’t really know what happened and how it came to pass; it just was and I was with it. If I think about it-I’m really trying not to think-any significant occurrence on this journey has happened when I wasn’t deliberating over it or trying to design it. So as of late, like today when I caught that one great wave of the day, I simply paddled back out and sat studying the ocean; I wish I could tell you that I caught another one even better but let’s say on a mixed up morning where the set waves ended as monster closeouts I raced 3 set waves making the sections to finish them off with a big maneuver. I guess true meditation is being in the Moment, in removing the past and future from my need to control and smiling instead.
Yet even now, three days into my stay in Lombok, I think I need to be stationary, without movement, enjoying the static momentum of one place yet I am failing and even after being completely exhausted I am challenged by the idea of 24 hours of rest. I had a dream last night; at least I think I did, about returning home and all I seem to remember is a feeling of “what now?” This whole life is a story I write moment to moment so why can’t I write a chapter filled with sitting meditation instead of relentless restless energy that, regardless of all the roaming, has me focused, calm and productive. The pencil and paper are the instruments of my product addressing countless thoughts as I wonder how the result will mature with each new letter.
In Sydney I was perusing through a book store and came across a book predicting the nature of 2009 for an individual based on their Chinese horoscope. Being at a time of rebirth in my life I sat and read what it had to say about next year for the Wood Rabbit, my Chinese sign. Here’s what I took from what it said… It predicted that the coming year would be absent of any tangible fruit to give objectivity to my labor yet it is to be a key period in the development of my life’s direction thus setting a definitive course along the path of my dharma. My challenge in 2009, it said, is to be patient, allowing the momentum to grow as I stay the course recognizing the deeper aspects of my true Self through the process. It also said 2008 was the completion to what I had spent the past few years doing…isn’t that the truth.
I know that the reality of any prediction is my belief in it; I simply recognize everything exists in the perfect emptiness of the Moment-for I am but a servant; an instrument of the Supreme Consciousness. So I close my eyes envisioning myself prostrate at the feet of the sincere devotee; for my will is found in the gracious revelations of the Master. I pray I may forever be merged, with absolute faith, in the revealed wisdom of the omnipresence of The Good, The True and The Beautiful; aware that I am baptized by the flame of the Spirit’s Vision and the eternal knowledge of the Self; finding the path to my-Self at the lotus feet of the Guru.
